It's a problem

I need some serious help.  I just cannot get a handle on it:(  I'm pretty bummed out at the moment and I have been thinking all day about needing to set up an appointment with a Dr. that specializes in eating disorders.  I've said it.  I really didn't want to bring that into light but I mean, who am I kidding right?  I keep going back and forth and just when I think I'm finally on my way to healthy, that motivation I started off with, just wears out.

What's that about? seriously.  That depresses me.

Yesterday, I was trying to figure out a way to join a boot camp because I was thinking:  it could help me stay motivated long enough so that I could re-train my brain and body and continue it on my own after the boot camp is over but financially, right now, I just can't afford it:(  Who knows, maybe I do need some help.  I don't know, but I have been super careless this week and I can't seem to find the thing that brings my motivation back.  It just seems so freaking hopeless right now.  I don't know what else I can do.  I want to scream.  I want to beat the crap out of a punching bag.

I'm about done with this back and forth.