So much for having a great day

My day yesterday was going GREAT up until I decided to have a few veggie chip straws and it all went down hill from there:/ so really, my new goal is going to be to STAY AWAY from any crunchy salty snacks because seriously I cannot hold back... I mean I really can't:/ they are so freaking delicious.  I'm not even sure how many servings of veggie chips I had but I know it was enough to ruin my day and then I finished off with a slice of pumpkin pie..seriously.   Oh well.  I feel good today and I plan on eating healthy, working out, and staying away from chips!

I'm back:)

It's Monday again!:)  I had a pretty good weekend.  I finally managed to go out with my hubby and stay out way past midnight for the first time since we have been married (wow! right?!).  We had a couples night out and decided to go to Disneyland with my sisters and their husbands.  It was definitely much needed fun and so glad I finally got the chance to have a child-less night:)

So, back to my normal life:  I'm  doing okay.  Have been Body Rocking almost everyday and feel good doing it.  Still struggling staying within my calories so, we'll see how I do this week.  I have seven days left in my challenge and well, it'll be nice if I can squeeze into the 180's by the end of it.

I plan on body rocking at least 30 minutes everyday this week and staying under 1400 calories (trying).

Wish me luck!  Hope you guys have an awesome week!

Off the Wagon...

...and now back on.

So this is my pattern (for those of you that are new readers).  I sorta half-assed it last week and totally jumped off the wagon on Friday and Saturday and just kinda gave up those two days:(  Saturday night came around and I had to, once again, kick myself in the ass for allowing myself to "fall off" yet again.  So, yesterday I started fresh again and I think I did okay, but I realize I have got to stop being so lenient with myself.  All this "just a few more" "it's no big deal" "it's just a bit" "not gonna kill me" mentality it's going to be the reason of my failure.  I need to stop that way of thinking and start taking all of this more seriously. So, this is me attempting this, yet another time.  I'm not going to give up, because I know I will get it right someday!

Ok, so I have been thinking about the way I have been tracking my calories and for some reason I started thinking about the way Weight Watchers counts their points and I was left with "What's the difference?"  I mean seriously isn't counting points just like counting calories?  I wish I had the money to go to some of their meetings to see how they work but for now I'm just left wondering. One thing I have noticed is that some foods have 0 points and for some reason that got me thinking "Maybe I won't count the calories in the vegetables I eat..." is that I good idea? or am I setting myself up to "fall off" again?  I don't know what do you guys think?  I'm trying to find ways to make all of this work for me.

I'm a little embarrassed but other than that ONE day, I have not done any working out.  So I'm starting my challenge fresh today.  I'll figure something out..but I really want this to work out for me so please please help me out!  Any ideas, suggestions, I mean ANYTHING that works for you guys just let me know because I seriously need all the help I can get with this.  I'm still going to attempt the bodyrock.tv I just have to figure out how since I don't have the money to buy the few pieces of equipment that they use.  I have to around the house and see if there's ways I can do the workouts without having the actual equipment.  Hopefully I can find things and make it work for me as a beginner.  Wish me luck:)

Why MUST we exercise?! Why? Why? :/

OMG I had to literally MAKE myself do it... I tried three different times throughout the day to get some workout done and the first two times I just could not get myself to do it...I just couldn't... call me lazy because that's exactly how I feel!  On my last attempt I had to get myself a little mad about the fact that nothing changes because I don't change....and I think that's what did it...go figure.  I did 15 minutes of  Cardio Blast that was available "Free On Demand" and it was good enough to make me sweat a bit.  Not bad for a first day.  I'm just glad that's over with for today.  Now I just really need to get back on track with my food and stay within my caloric intake... so far so good.

Have you guys heard of BodyRock.tv?  It's a REALLY awesome site about home workouts and I'm definitely planning on trying it out maybe tomorrow.  Definitely check out the site it's loaded with info and best of all videos showing you exactly what to do:D  and it's FREE! who doesn't love free?! I know I do!:)

Ok, well I was excited cuz I finally did some workout and wanted to share that with you guys:)


Have  a great rest of the day!

Weigh-in and New Challenge

So, I know I didn't post my pictures or my weigh in yesterday but I will do it in a bit.  I have been super stressed lately with some personal stuff and haven't had the best of days these last three days:/  My eating has been good in the daytime and at night time I semi-binge:/ it hasn't been super bad but I need to get back on track and focus on what it's important TODAY.

15 Days of tracking food and not working out was definitely helpful in making me aware of just how much I used to eat (A LOT).  As of today I am up by one pound making my current weight 192lbs:/  I suppose if I had worked out I would've lost a couple pounds but it's been next to impossible to get myself to workout,
but oh well that's that.  Today is a new day and a new start and I will do my best!

STARTING TODAY:

New 15 Day Challenge:  WORK OUT 15 DAYS FOR AT LEAST 15 MINUTES & Track my food:)

My daily caloric intake will be 1400 for the next 15 days.

Things I will try to help me stay within my calories:

• STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!
• Drink tea & water after dinner.
• Eat something within 15 minutes of waking up.
• Snack LESS (I just snack waaaaaaaay too much)

Things I will try to help me get moving:

• Try everything!  

Seriously, I have NO idea how this is going to work:/ any ideas?  Need all the help I can get!

That's it! Wish me luck!

Last Day!!!

Today is my LAST day! wow I can't believe I actually tracked my food 98% of my challenge:D That's a FIRST for me:)

My caloric intake for yesterday was 1893 not good I know, but I take comfort in the fact that I didn't give up and I kept counting my calories.  Today, it's going so so, thanks to that monthly visit, my hormones are all over the place and definitely not helping me.  I'm still going to weigh in tomorrow and at this point I would be happy to not have a gain:/  either way I'll be proud of myself for sticking with it for 15 days and not giving up.

I have learned soooooo much, who knew right?!  I'm learning of new lower calorie/fat recipes and in cooking healthier not only do I benefit from it, but my husband and son as well:)  My husband has been making an effort to eat healthier too and has been coming home for lunch instead of eating out with his co-workers so, that is already a positive change because not only does he get to eat a little bit healthier during the day but, he gets to spend more time with me:D  The one thing I really need to start working on is WORKING OUT.  Yep, I just cannot get to working out:/ I don't know why I just don't feel like it, have NO desire to work out at all:/ I just need to start finding what works for me and start small so we'll see.... maybe I'll make my next 15 Day challenge one where I track and do 15 minutes of workout everyday....that sounds good no? Yep.. sound's good:D

2 Days

So this weekend I didn't do as well as I had hoped:/  It was pretty difficult counting my calories not knowing exactly what was in the foods I ate, but I tried not to over do it, with that said: Saturday went okay and Sunday went ehm... not so good:/ but today is Monday and it's a new day and I will do great today!:)

I'm not counting these past two days in my personal challenge or should I?  If, I do then as of today I have two days left.  If I don't, then I have four days left... hmm 2 days or 4 days??? Yeah, I think I'll count them otherwise I'll feel like I've cheated...so as of today I have TWO more days and I'm done! yay!  I'll weigh myself and take pictures and start over again! I'm super excited and I really really hope I'm into the 180's by then:)

Changing the subject:  I love Hungry Girl! I mean how great is she?!  I have been recording her episodes on the Food Network and they are awesome! did anyone see her "Date Night" episode this weekend? Definitely trying her stuffed mushroom recipe.. looked super good!  I also borrowed "Cook This, Not That" from my sister in-law and it has great tips and such yummy recipes, I can't wait to start trying them out:)  Yesterday, I went to Mother's Market by my mom's place to see if I could find those shiratake noodles (I may have misspelled the name) and I did and they were on sale! so I stocked up:D  then I thought "I should have tried one first" but being that I couldn't find them in my area then I guess at 1.19 each bag it's not too bad...right?:/
I first heard of shiratake noodles when I was google-ing low calorie pastas or alternatives.  Each bag, I think, has two servings and each serving has 20 calories...not bad right?!:D  Well, I have yet to try them out, but I'm really hoping they are not too bad...crossing my fingers:)

Ok, I think that's it for right now...

6 Days

I still feel weird.  I'm not sure why but, I have been feeling a bit more tired than usual, so much so that I have been taking naps in the late afternoon (and I never do that! I'm not a fan of taking naps during the day).  Hopefully today won't be too bad.

Ok, so yesterday I did really good and then night time came and I started with the veggie chips then the cheetos :/ not to worry tho I ate around 1500.  I did however decided to throw away all the cheetos I had left, before I finished the bag:/  I also threw away the chips:D  Yes, I don't know what it is about those crunchy snacks that  I have a hard time controlling my portions.  So, I decided to just not have them in the house anymore until I get better at this portion control.

It's almost 7am and I feel like I can sleep the whole day:/ grr....

That's it!

Have an awesome day!

7 Days and a loss

I really don't have much to say except I did horrible yesterday:( I had about 1846 calories (I would round it up to 2000 calories).  I have been feeling a little weird these past two days and whatever that was made me totally dig in last night:/  oh well, today is a new day and I'm doing great, feeling great, and totally excited!  I weighed myself in the morning and I'm at 191lbs soooo that means there's a loss! Woot woot! I really didn't think it was going to be a big loss considering I have done no workouts whatsoever and my eating hasn't always been on point BUT it definitely made me feel awesome to see the scale go down:)   As of today I have 6 days left and I've decided to lower my calories to 1350 for the remainder of my personal challenge.  I'm pretty confident that I will stay around that number but I'm not going to beat myself over it if I go over a few calories every other day as long as I keep track of everything I eat, I think I'll be okay.  Exercising is the last thing I want to do right now so when I finally do get the urge to start working out I will let you guys know.  Right now I think focusing on my eating habits and learning to control my portions is the best thing I can do.

I have found that I'm really enjoying trying out a bunch of healthy  low-fat/low-cal foods.  I baked some chocolate chip cookies from Hungry Girl the other day and while I'm not thrilled with how they tasted, it gave me a reason to start looking into ways to bake healthy.

That's it for now! ;)

10 & 9 Days

It's Monday and we are starting a new week!  I'm officially half way into my challenge and although I had a day two days of struggle, I'm doing pretty good.  Getting more and more committed to this as the days pass and I notice the changes in the way I feel on a day to day basis.
This weekend was pretty tough, but I didn't give up.  I counted my calories and tried not to let myself go completely overboard.  I'm pretty proud of myself:)

Day 10:
Calories 2041
(over 571)

No Workout

Day 9:
Calories 1243


No Workout


I know I have to start working out to start seeing some real results.  I'm having a hard time getting started, but I promise I will get into it sooner or later (preferably sooner).

On a different note:  I'm still having problems with loading pictures into Picasa hence the no pictures lately.  I had to uninstall and plan to re-install it later today...hopefully that'll fix the problem.

11 Days

Well. Yesterday was definitely not my best day.  I struggled with my eating and working out.  I started off good, but sometime in the middle of the day I started stressing out and it all went down hill from there:/  I know it wasn't as bad as it could have been but it's more about the fact that I couldn't deal with what I was feeling.  The reason I didn't work out: I was tired:/ I know that's not an excuse.  I need to figure out how to get motivated to workout because I know that's something I have to do sooner or later and that I can't just opt out of.  I just need to get in the groove of it and once I start I'm sure it'll be easier to keep with it.

No pictures again:/ but here's my day:

Calories:1664 

 Over 194cal and I'm seriously tripping over that.

Workout: None

Today is a new day and I will do better!:)

Have a great weekend!!

It's a problem

I need some serious help.  I just cannot get a handle on it:(  I'm pretty bummed out at the moment and I have been thinking all day about needing to set up an appointment with a Dr. that specializes in eating disorders.  I've said it.  I really didn't want to bring that into light but I mean, who am I kidding right?  I keep going back and forth and just when I think I'm finally on my way to healthy, that motivation I started off with, just wears out.

What's that about? seriously.  That depresses me.

Yesterday, I was trying to figure out a way to join a boot camp because I was thinking:  it could help me stay motivated long enough so that I could re-train my brain and body and continue it on my own after the boot camp is over but financially, right now, I just can't afford it:(  Who knows, maybe I do need some help.  I don't know, but I have been super careless this week and I can't seem to find the thing that brings my motivation back.  It just seems so freaking hopeless right now.  I don't know what else I can do.  I want to scream.  I want to beat the crap out of a punching bag.

I'm about done with this back and forth.

Binge, Snacks & Meals

Last night I took a small nap and when I woke up I couldn't restrain myself and went straight for a about two servings of cheetos, another serving of tortilla chips, and two cookies slathered with Nutella.  Yes, I binged again.  This left me wondering if maybe I'm not eating enough of the right foods during the day.  I snack a lot and I know it's not enough of the right foods.  So, today I have made an effort of eating more foods that are loaded with protein and I know it's only 12:30 right now, and that I still have a long way till the day is over, but I'm feeling in better control right now than I did yesterday.  This is how my is looking so far:

1. boiled egg & oatmeal with flaxseed for breakfast
2. activia light yogurt with flaxseed and serving of peanuts for snack
3. tilapia with pico de gallo and two servings of tortilla chips for lunch
4. beef hamburger (with bread thins instead of regular bun) for dinner (planning)

I might have another snack if I'm needing it but if I eat this and a small snack I'll still be within my calorie intake.  

On a totally different note, I completely forgot Mexican Monday on Monday so, I will post later today!:)

Do I really want that?

This morning I woke up thinking about last night's binge (yes, I had another one:/ and not so small either).  I started thinking about why? and I'm not 100% sure, but I feel that when I started to think about how much weight I wanted to lose by the holidays, it triggered it.  That mentality just made start thinking about what I had to do in order to lose the weight, I started to stress and that's when the small snacking turned into a binge.  

Today I'm going to stop myself from thinking like that.  I'm going to ask myself "Do I really want that?" and I'm going to start drinking more teas (it helps).  

Not much of a "Wordless Wednesday"

Ok, "Wordless Wednesday" is out, simply because I'm not feeling it:/  Well, I did try, but for now I think I need to figure something else out.

I had a little bit of a binge last night (I'm not so sure why) but I didn't go over my calories too much (right around 200).  I'm kind of glad I went to bed early because I'm sure I would've raided the kitchen again.  Today is a new day and I will try my best to do better.  I can feel my pants fit way better and I'm starting to notice a change in my body (slight, but it's there).

Yesterday, I opened an account with "My Fitness Pal" after reading a couple reviews I decided to try it out.  I have been using "Lose it!" and I find it easy to use, but I wonder if this new one is better.  I'll let you guys know.

Hope you guys have a great day today!:)

Give up or Keep going

It's been a while since my last post  and quite honestly its because I have been debating whether or not to just give this blog up already (I know so so soon)  part of me wants to stop just so that I don't have to continue to embarrass myself by documenting my big fat failure at the moment...but then part of me wants to keep going just in case I do end up succeeding (sometime way into the future) I can look back and see just how much I overcame...but that's IF I get there.  I know I'm super pessimistic right now and quite frankly I'm struggling with staying optimistic:/  I have been trying to monitor what I eat these last couple of days, but as far as exercising well, let's just say it's the last thing on my mind.  I'm feeling pretty "blah" right now but I know tomorrow will be a new day and maybe just maybe I'll feel better.

Why?

So, I'm sure those of you that have been keeping up with my blog have notice a pattern here: on the wagon/off the wagon.  Yes, I am finding this "getting to healthy" extremely hard.  I have been pretty down lately and I keep telling myself that I will make the change, the time comes I start and by the end of the day I just give in!   I get so mad at myself!  Then, I just feel like such a loser for knowing how bad I feel about the lifestyle I live and not being able to stay committed to making the changes that I know will make me happier.  Why is it so hard?  I don't understand, why do I keep doing this to myself?!  Why, after all these years of dancing the same dance, can't I just get it?  Why can't I just make it happen?  I mean seriously? is this what I want?! to feel like shit all the time? to not want to be seen? to not want to go out? be touched? I mean seriously?! What's it gonna take? I have to find my "IT" I just have to find it before I lose total hope for myself.  I'm that close.  I just can't keep having this battle with food for the rest of my life.  I don't want that stupid damned battle.  I'm tired of it.  It has taken SO much out of me and out of my life.  I want my life back.

Emotions

I did the 3 day food log and turns out eat when I'm bored, stressed, upset, and well you get the idea.  No, I'm not shocked, I've known that to be true since Oprah first talked about it on her daytime show.  What I have a hard time with, is knowing it, and not having the discipline to do something about it.  Yesterday, I started off good, had a little argument with my hubby and next thing you know I'm eating at the table paying no mind to how much I'm consuming.  I find it so extremely hard to not let my emotions dictate when and how much I eat, but when that's all I've done for so many years, its kind of hard to break away from that.  At the end of the day I didn't do well but I managed to do 30min cardio at moderate intensity.  

Anxiety or Depression

I have been feeling a little "out of sorts" lately.  No, I haven't began the challenge:(  Yesterday I stuffed myself with cantaloupe, watermelon, and plums.  I know fruit is a healthier option but I still feel like I had too much.  I was so bored yesterday and then I felt depressed.  I really don't know what I felt, I just have such a hard time figuring it out.  All day I just kept walking back into the kitchen not really knowing what to do.  Night time came and I just about chewed my fingers off (ok maybe not my fingers but my nails).  I haven't done that in a while and according to my mother, I bite my nails when I'm nervous and having an anxiety attack.  Nothing has really happened since I got back but now that I think of it maybe it's just the fact of being back:/  I don't know I hate feeling like this:(

I'm starting the challenge today.

"Snapping" out of it

Yesterday was my worst day this week:[  I really found it difficult to stay focused and on track so I wasn't surprised when night time came and I just indulged in whatever I felt like eating.  It's been so hard to just find the motivation and the drive to stick to a healthier lifestyle and I wonder if it's maybe because I have so many things on my mind all the time.  Having the stresses of daily life seem to take over most of "me" and quite frankly it leaves me feeling guilty and vain.  I know I shouldn't but I do and I need to start finding ways to make all of this work for me.  This morning I woke up in a much better mood and a lot more relaxed and optimistic.  I finally stepped on the scale this morning and I'm at 199.4:[  I'm going to try to workout at a faster pace this week (hopefully break out a sweat) and I'm going to cut back on eating pastries everyday.  I might also try going to the beach once this week and just go for a walk there change it up a little bit:]

Life really is like a roller coaster and I just need to learn to hold on tight and not let the scary loops ruin the ride for me:]